Eye No Nothing about Sailing - NaPoWriMo Day 14

Prompt: Write a poem that incorporates homophones, homographs, and homonyms, or otherwise makes productive use of English’s ridiculously complex spelling rules and opportunities for mis-hearings and mis-readings.

Eye No Nothing About Sailing


"It's just not right!"
Said the frustrated wright
As he tied the knot on his sail;
"I was taught to keep it taut!"
And then shouted "I see a whale!"

But he heard his wife wail weakly 
And he spied her through the mist;
She had missed the spectacle completely,
She'd had six pints - on sale at the pub!
And their weekly sail was soon dismissed

As he dropped the riggings and flew to her side
"I think I have the flu!" she cried
And just as he wondered,
"What the heck?"
The wretch retched onto the deck

He stood on the bow 
And held on to her braid
His eyes wandered to see the mess she had made;
Puke on the bow tied in her hair;
In the sea, the tide carried her vomit everywhere. 

Plantively she brayed,
"This, of course, will sound quite coarse, 
But I thought just as I was yaking,
Although I ate eight puddings at lunch,
You jibed but should have been tacking!"

And with her groan, sigh and complaining
His disgust had grown without explaining!
Her heaving now through -  but awful -
He considered that if he threw her over the side - 
For the whale she'd be nothing but offal.

And yet he knew that in the morning 
He would be mourning her demise!

This sweet maid he had made his wife -
Why, he'd be a heel to drown her!
He needed to heal her every ail!
"I will never desert you," he cried
"But pass up the ale and desserts next sail!"