In March, my friend, Blake, the Ag teacher and FFA Advisor at Brownstown High School, asked if I would speak at their FFA Convocation for the student body. My 5-minute speech was to be on the topic "Be Happy." And since I haven't blogged since February, I thought I'd share what I had to say about that:
When Mr. Hackman asked me to come speak on "Be Happy", I
immediately said “Yes! I’d be happy to” for two reasons. 1) Mr. Hackman has been my dear friend since
high school, and 2) I was flattered that someone would think I was enough
of a happy person to have something to say about being a happy person.
And then the reality set in.
Because happiness is actually a pretty complex topic. I started reading books and articles on
happiness, listening to podcasts on happiness and asking my friends how they
would define happiness.
Still complex.
I considered emailing Abby and Amy (the other two speakers, whose topics were "Be Grateful" and "Be Confident") and asking if they would like to trade
topics. I figured I could muster up
enough confidence to speak on confidence, and I would just bring some of my
gratefulness journals with me and read from them to you, if they would
trade.
I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to say that we all want
to be happy. I want my children and grandchildren
to be happy. I want all of you to be
happy, and I don’t even know most of you.
It starts when we’re babies, and
the people holding and cuddling us say, “don’t cry, don’t cry!” We go to preschool and kindergarten, and what
song to we sing? If you’re happy and you
know it….. From the very beginning, it's as if we've been given a mandate to be happy. (Listen to Glennon Doyle's podcast from January 20, 2022 - We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle, How to Live a Little Happier with Dr. Laurie Santos.)
As human beings, we really don’t like it when people are sad. We know that sadness, like happiness, is an inherent part of living, but we don’t need a lecture or a TedTalk on how to be sad – we can easily do that by watching world events unfold, thinking about a friend, family member or pet that we have loved and lost, not doing as well as we had hoped on a test or in a sports try-out. It’s only through moments of sadness that we can fully appreciate what it is to be happy.
And how do we get to that happy?
Dr. Laurie Santos of Yale University has researched and defined
the three main factors toward being a happy person: social connection, a heart for service for
others and a mindset of gratefulness. (She has a great newsletter you can subscribe to called The Science of Wellbeing, plus a free online course. From Yale. Free.)
Happy people report that they have people in their lives
that they can talk to and be with. Happy
people prioritize their time with family and friends – they make a habit of
connecting with other people. I think
that’s why so many of us felt so unhappy during the pandemic shutdown – we missed
and longed for the social connection with others. Zoom is great, facetime is great, and I was
genuinely happy to see the faces of friends and colleagues on my laptop screen,
but it doesn’t make me near as happy as seeing those same faces in the grocery
store or across the table at Starbucks.
Happy people “do” for others, making the world a little better place. Putting a loose shopping cart back in the
corral. Helping someone with a difficult
math problem. Taking a box of cereal to
the Shed for You pantry. Visiting
someone at a nursing home. Doing for
others makes them happy, and acts of kindness raise your serotonin levels and
can make you happy, as well.
But sometimes when we’re not sad, we forget to
acknowledge that we are, indeed, happy. That’s
why I would encourage you to have that mindset of gratefulness. Keep a journal of your gratefulness – maybe in
a little notebook from CVS or in the Notes on your phone. Try to write in it every day – maybe just a
quick few words about something that you are grateful for, like a sunrise or sunset,
a car that starts, a sports victory or an especially delicious cookie or sandwich. Maybe you’ll want to write a few more words
about your friends and family – that social connection - or someone you love
overcoming a setback or illness. (And read Ross Gay's Book of
Delights.)
Kurt Vonnegut,
an Indiana native and one of my favorite writers said, “And I urge you to please notiuce when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'Iif this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'”
I wish you all to be happy.
I wish I was a fairy grandmother/godmother and could take out my wand and with some sparks
and glitter, make you all happy. Sometimes,
being happy is easy, and sometimes it takes a little work, as all good things do,
but if you stay connected with even one other person, do something for just one
other person, and take a moment every day to appreciate even the littlest things
with a word of thanks, I think you’ll find being happy becomes a habit.
If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.
