One Last Time

(Written for the last session of my writing circle for this semester.)

So many first times. 

A first kiss, a first dog who is all your responsibility, a first tequila shot.  The first quilt you make without help from your mom and grandma.  The first time you vote for a President, the first time you have sex, your first child.  Your first grandchild.

Why, if you work hard enough at it, you could have a “first” every day – the first Tolstoy novel you actually finish, the first time you walk a 5K, the first time you bake yeast bread, the first time you go to a restaurant and sit all by yourself, the first time you put oat milk in your coffee instead of half and half. 

But what about last times?  Last times are on my mind lately, maybe because I’ve passed the 60 mark and think often of my mom, who wasn't given as many years as I have.  How many things were her last and she never knew? 

When will be the last time I sit at the piano and play?  When will be the last time I have sex?  When will be the last time I drive a car?  Plant a garden? Read a novel?  Kiss a baby?  Sit at the computer and type out words and feelings and intense narratives and wacky scenarios? 

I know I’ve probably already passed a lot of last times.  I’ve probably had the last time I’ll be in the basement of a fraternity house, drinking directly from the keg.  I’ll probably never play on a teeter totter again (at the advice of my orthopedic surgeon).  I’ll probably never work another 40-hour week full-time job. I’ll probably never perm my hair again.

And after today, I’ll probably never participate in a Women Writing For a Change Zoom circle, facilitated by Rebekah  (another worldwide pandemic notwithstanding.)  I remember my first circle well – walking into the schoolhouse, nervous about what was going to happen in there.  Should I sit on a chair or on the floor?  What should I write?  What should I read?  Why am I here?  Rebekah made it more comfortable.  Over the weeks, months, years that I have been in Rebekah’s circles, I’ve added so many books (and favorite poets) to my poetry collection, added Iona to my travel bucket list, added oracle cards to my daily routine, added profanity to my writing without shame.  I’ve been encouraged and motivated by Rebekah, moved beyond explanation by the words shared in the circles, by the love that has emanated from that sharing, by the amazing friendships forged with the brightest, most thoughtful women.   I know I am a different woman since I started sitting in these circles – I’ve actually been told that, and know it in my heart and gut to be true – and I am a thankful woman, having taken a circuitous route into the circle that has brought me to a place I now know that I always belonged. 

So even though I know this is my last semester Zoom circle with Rebekah, I know there will never be an end to the influence she has had and joy she has brought not only to my writing, but to my life.  Hopefully, this is not my last circle – I’m ready to make that weekly drive to Bloomington again – and I’m thankful for new firsts, because this first was one of the best.

Thanks, Rebekah, and all my WWFaC sisters.

Georgiann Coons     5/2/2022

Be Happy

 In March, my friend, Blake, the Ag teacher and FFA Advisor at Brownstown High School, asked if I would speak at their FFA Convocation for the student body.  My 5-minute speech was to be on the topic "Be Happy."  And since I haven't blogged since February, I thought I'd share what I had to say about that:

When Mr. Hackman asked me to come speak on "Be Happy", I immediately said “Yes! I’d be happy to” for two reasons.  1) Mr. Hackman has been my dear friend since high school, and 2)  I was flattered that someone would think I was enough of a happy person to have something to say about being a happy person.  

And then the reality set in.  Because happiness is actually a pretty complex topic.  I started reading books and articles on happiness, listening to podcasts on happiness and asking my friends how they would define happiness.   

Still complex.  I considered emailing Abby and Amy (the other two speakers, whose topics were "Be Grateful" and "Be Confident") and asking if they would like to trade topics.  I figured I could muster up enough confidence to speak on confidence, and I would just bring some of my gratefulness journals with me and read from them to you, if they would trade. 

I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to say that we all want to be happy.  I want my children and grandchildren to be happy.  I want all of you to be happy, and I don’t even know most of you.    It starts when we’re babies, and the people holding and cuddling us say, “don’t cry, don’t cry!”  We go to preschool and kindergarten, and what song to we sing?  If you’re happy and you know it…..  From the very beginning, it's as if we've been given a mandate to be happy.  (Listen to Glennon Doyle's podcast from January 20, 2022 - We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle, How to Live a Little Happier with Dr. Laurie Santos.)

As human beings, we really don’t like it when people are sad. We know that sadness, like happiness, is an inherent part of living, but we don’t need a lecture or a TedTalk on how to be sad – we can easily do that by watching world events unfold, thinking about a friend, family member or pet that we have loved and lost, not doing as well as we had hoped on a test or in a sports try-out.  It’s only through moments of sadness that we can fully appreciate what it is to be happy.  

And how do we get to that happy?

Dr. Laurie Santos of Yale University has researched and defined the three main factors toward being a happy person:  social connection, a heart for service for others and a mindset of gratefulness.  (She has a great newsletter you can subscribe to called The Science of Wellbeing, plus a free online course.  From Yale.  Free.)

Happy people report that they have people in their lives that they can talk to and be with.  Happy people prioritize their time with family and friends – they make a habit of connecting with other people.  I think that’s why so many of us felt so unhappy during the pandemic shutdown – we missed and longed for the social connection with others.  Zoom is great, facetime is great, and I was genuinely happy to see the faces of friends and colleagues on my laptop screen, but it doesn’t make me near as happy as seeing those same faces in the grocery store or across the table at Starbucks. 

Happy people “do” for others, making the world a little better place.  Putting a loose shopping cart back in the corral.  Helping someone with a difficult math problem.  Taking a box of cereal to the Shed for You pantry.  Visiting someone at a nursing home.  Doing for others makes them happy, and acts of kindness raise your serotonin levels and can make you happy, as well.

But sometimes when we’re not sad, we forget to acknowledge that we are, indeed, happy.  That’s why I would encourage you to have that mindset of gratefulness.  Keep a journal of your gratefulness – maybe in a little notebook from CVS or in the Notes on your phone.  Try to write in it every day – maybe just a quick few words about something that you are grateful for, like a sunrise or sunset, a car that starts, a sports victory or an especially delicious cookie or sandwich.  Maybe you’ll want to write a few more words about your friends and family – that social connection - or someone you love overcoming a setback or illness.   (And read Ross Gay's Book of 
Delights.)

Kurt Vonnegut, an Indiana native and one of my favorite writers said, “And I urge you to please notiuce when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'Iif this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'” 

I wish you all to be happy.  I wish I was a fairy grandmother/godmother and could take out my wand and with some sparks and glitter, make you all happy.  Sometimes, being happy is easy, and sometimes it   takes a little work, as all good things do, but if you stay connected with even one other person, do something for just one other person, and take a moment every day to appreciate even the littlest things with a word of thanks, I think you’ll find being happy becomes a habit. 

If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.

In Praise of February 1st

 It is far superior to January first, which brings with it glittering expectations of resolutions to be fulfilled -- smaller butts, greener diets, completed novels, extended exercise and well-knitted sweaters.  

Hopes are smaller of February 1.  Still there, still sparkly, but smaller.  Reality is bigger on February 1 - the reality that lives don't magically change with a new calendar on your kitchen wall.  The reality that smaller butts and greener diets and more exercise and completed novels take work.  Habit.  Ugh.  

The best thing February first is bringing this year is my return to the Tuesday morning Women Writing for a Change circle.  (I missed last semester due to the fabulous Las Vegas wedding.)  I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, brewed some tea, lit a stick of palo santo and straightened behind me so that my sisters in the Zoom circle won't see the mess that is currently my workroom.  

My laptop is charged, a candle and matches are nearby.  Two new composition books from the Dollar Zone (one for free writes, one for feedback) are on my table, along with 2 new Zebra pens and my planter full of colorful gel pens for colorful edits, colorful comments, colorful underlines and colorful doodles.  My daughter gave me a clacky new pink keyboard for Christmas - typing on it feels and sounds - like accomplishment.  

I am ready.  I am ready to write, and ready to be thrilled at listening to the writing of other women - my friends. 

Peace